there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
