i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
