i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
