After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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