Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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