u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
