just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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