I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
