so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
