So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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