I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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