True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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