We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
