Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
