She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
