You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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