Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
