evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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