hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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