Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
