I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
