WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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