Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
