my phone needs a breathalizer
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
