ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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