it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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