my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
