Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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