It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
