dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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