I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
