So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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