You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
