i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
