Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
