as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
