WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
