A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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