Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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