Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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