were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
