it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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