Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i don't like sucking hair
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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