What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
