now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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