piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
