fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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