where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
