Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
