i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
